If I could put a label on the past 18 months of life, this season would be titled, “Bucket of Suck.” I know that may sound offensive (sorry!) and you may be wondering how this could possibly be encouraging? But if I am to tell you where I currently am, and where I’m going, then I have to share with you where I have been.
In September of 2018, my husband underwent a minor surgery. He should have healed in 3 days. Instead of recovering, his body experienced major complications, which has led to chronic and life debilitating pain.
In December of 2018, one of my spiritual mentors dropped a major bomb on me. It felt like my life compass was smashed, which led to a spiritual existential crisis. Not that I ever doubted the existence and truth of God, but rather certain major beliefs that I held close to my heart were now questioned and left unanswered.
Three weeks after this, my mother died from a 13-year long battle with leukemia.
By New Year’s Day 2019, it felt like I had (to some degree) “lost” all 3 of my best friends at once: God, my husband, and my mother. Life as I knew it changed in a major way—and my heart was devastated.
I don’t have space to write down all of the other major life complications that happened in 2019, but let’s just say they kept on coming . . . one, after another, after another, after another . . . until the cumulative waves of painful circumstances became so unbearable, that I began to drown in a “Bucket of Suck.”
Have you ever found yourself in a back-to-back Job season? You know, like the verses in (Job 1:14-19), “While he was still speaking . . .”
Just when you think, surely God, nothing else bad can go wrong. And then the next consecutive unthinkable happens!
I’ve definitely had my fair share of trials in life, but never in such quick succession. How does one prioritize which fire to put out first, when they are all front burner issues?
By August of 2019, I was in detached survival mode. I was functional, but I did not recognize who I had become. Long gone were the days where I could pour into others. With barely enough to keep myself going, I felt like a broken-encourager.
My story does not end here. To be continued . . . I hope you join me next time to read “Hibernation Hiatus.”
Because EVEN THOUGH . . . God is good, all the time!
“Even though the fig trees have no blossoms, and there are no grapes on the vines; even though the olive crop fails, and the fields lie empty and barren; even though the flocks die in the fields, and the cattle barns are empty, yet I will rejoice in the Lord! I will be joyful in the God of my salvation! The Sovereign Lord is my strength! He makes me as surefooted as a deer, able to tread upon the heights.” (Habakkuk 3:17-19 NLT)